When I heard about the recent school shooting involving children as young as 14 and 15, my heart immediately went to the families. As a mother, I could not imagine the pain of the parents who lost their children or the fear of the students who witnessed something no child should ever have to see. As an educator, however, another thought stayed with me long after I heard the news: How well do we really know what is happening in the hearts of our children?

I do not ask this to judge the families involved or to assume that we already understand what led to such a tragedy. Situations like this are complex, and there are questions that only a proper investigation can answer. But as a mother of three, it made me look inward. It made me think about my own children and the kind of relationship I have intentionally built with them through the years.

Parenting Beyond Providing

As parents, we spend so much of our lives providing. We think about food, tuition, clothes, activities, and our children's future. We ask if they have finished their schoolwork, if they have eaten, or what grade they received. These questions matter, but perhaps there is another question we need to ask more often: “How is your heart?”

Are you angry about something? Do you feel alone? Is someone hurting you? Is there something you are afraid to tell me?

Intentional parenting, I have realized, is not simply knowing where our children are or making sure all their needs are provided for. It is taking the time to understand where they are emotionally, even when what they are feeling is uncomfortable, confusing, or difficult for us to hear.

Being Present Is More Than Being Nearby

Homeschooling taught me that being physically close to our children does not automatically mean we are connected to them. We can live under the same roof, eat at the same table, and see each other every day, yet still miss what they are carrying inside.

Our children are growing up in a world filled with noise, pressure, comparison, and influences that we may not always fully see. Sometimes, they are dealing with emotions they themselves do not know how to explain. When those emotions come out as anger, silence, or withdrawal, our first instinct as parents may be to correct the behavior.

But perhaps, before we correct, we also need to become curious.

“This doesn't seem like you. Is something bothering you?”

Sometimes our children do not need another lecture. Sometimes they need to know that home is a safe place where they can tell us even the difficult, messy, and uncomfortable parts of their story.

Connection Is Built in Ordinary Moments

I have learned that we cannot suddenly demand deep conversations from our children when a crisis happens if we have not made room for their small stories along the way.

Listen when they talk about their friends. Know what makes them laugh. Ask about the game they are playing, even when you do not completely understand it. Know the people they spend time with and pay attention to what influences them. Sometimes, the seemingly unimportant stories our children tell us are actually invitations into their world.

This is why I have become more intentional about grabbing even the smallest opportunities to spend time with my children. Now that two of them are adults, I understand more deeply how quickly those years pass. We will not always have unlimited access to their time, but I pray that the connection we built while they were growing up reminds them that they can always come home and talk to us.

It Takes an Attentive Community

In my previous blogs, I shared that purpose begins at home and community strengthens it. I believe the same is true when it comes to caring for our children's hearts.

Parents cannot see everything. Teachers cannot see everything. But when parents, teachers, mentors, and caring adults communicate and genuinely pay attention, we create more opportunities to notice when a child may need help.

This is also the kind of community we continue to pray for at CORE—not a perfect community and certainly not one that claims to have all the answers, but an attentive community. A community willing to see the whole child, listen to families, and recognize that sometimes a change in behavior may be telling us that there is a deeper conversation we need to have.

Maybe We Need to Ask Better Questions

This recent tragedy reminded me that intentional parenting is not about watching our children's every move or trying to control every part of their lives. It is about building a relationship strong enough that they know they have somewhere safe to bring their questions, anger, fears, mistakes, and struggles.

Our children may not tell us everything, and as parents, we will not always get everything right. But we can keep showing up. We can listen before we lecture. We can pay attention before we assume. And perhaps, every now and then, instead of asking only about school, grades, or responsibilities, we can sit beside them and simply ask:

“Anak, kumusta ka talaga? Kumusta ang puso mo?”

Because raising children is not only about preparing them for a successful future. It is also about truly seeing the child who is sitting in front of us today.

If your family is seeking a place where faith, learning, and community come together, we welcome you to journey with us at CORE Homeschoolers Hub.